People who were traumatized, replay their traumas on others in a desperate subconscious attempt to make sense of that trauma and heal from it.
I remember a memory of me, my mom and cousin when we went to a book event where I asked my mom to buy me a book I liked and she refused, so I started begging until she swore that she won’t get me the book.
I felt overwhelmed by the rejection and I couldn’t just let go, so I kept begging for it over and over again until she said that she will get the book for my cousin and he will give it to me if he wanted to, because she swore she won’t get me the book.
In the end I didn’t get the book, because it was too expensive.
I was traumatized by this, that my mom would get my cousin something but not me, making me believe that I am worthless, that I don’t deserve gifts, that I don’t deserve to be bought stuff for, that I don’t matter, that my wants and desires don’t matter, that my cousin matters more to my mom than I do to her, that I don’t deserve to live and I am just a burden in this life, that I am better off dead.
Thinking about it now, my mom did a lot of similar surtful stuff to me and they all have to do with her childhood and her marriage.
My father never bought her anything, no clothes, no gifts, no jewlery… nothing, compared to her friends who received gifts and money from their husbands, my mother felt worthless, unworthy of gifts, unworthy of good treatment, unworthy of someone buying stuff for her or giving her money.
She replayed that trauma straight on me, making me feel the same exact feelings as she felt with the thought pattern of “If I was made to feel worthless by someone stronger than me, I am going to make you worthless too, since you are weaker than me”
My mother was suffering all along from her traumas, and her hurting me all my life, was just her projecting/replaying her traumas on me, the traumas she never healed from.
I stopped seeing my mother as this big scary monster, rather she is pathetic, i feel pity(and anger) towards her, inside of her there is still a scared overwhelmed and traumatized child who was ruling her life, she is still stuck in her traumas and she will never get to experience life to the fullest, she is just a victim.
Happy Healing!